When Your Gone
by Porphyrophobic Grape
Summary: reactions to the tragic death. OoTP spoilers. please r
1. Harry

AN: Major spoilers of OoTP. How the different characters react to the death. Please read and review.  
  
Chapter 1  
Harry  
  
It was too much. He couldn't take it. Too much. "Sirius isn't gone" Harry would whisper at night, "He will come get me, come save me".  
  
Every night he waited, staring out the window. Watching for signs of the large 'grim' he met and loved. But day after day, he didn't come. "He's not dead, he will come," he rocked back and forth "He wouldn't leave me, he loves me, he can't be --- gone." There was a large pile of letters on his trunk, but he had no intention of reading them, none were from Sirius.  
  
He began to sneak out at night. He would wander around looking for the lovable 'dog'. No luck, he finally gave in and opened the letters, he knew if they didn't think he was alright, they would come. Harry just wanted to be alone, and the best place for that was at the Dursley's where they couldn't care less about him. He grabbed a letter, it was from Ron.  
  
Harry,  
  
I wish you were here, it all crazy! I need someone sane to talk to. Dad's always out working. And Mum is forever yelling at Fred and George for leaving school. Bill is staying here, but like Dad, always working. Ginny, well she's just moping around. I'm trying to practice qudditch-  
  
Harry stopped reading here. The next was from Hermione.  
  
Harry,  
  
How are you? I can't believe Sirius is dead-  
  
The words echoed in his head. *Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.* It was all of their voices, Dumbledore, Ron, Remus, Hermione, even Neville, Ginny, Luna, Fred, George, Mr. Weasley and Mrs. Weasley. Over and over.  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
"No," Harry whispered furiously into the empty room, "He is alive, he can't die, he wouldn't, he didn't"  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
"NO, HE IS ALIVE!"  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
He curled into the corner. Into a ball surprisingly small for a boy of almost 16.  
  
"NO, YOU'RE LYING! IT'S NOT TRUE!"  
  
*You must not tell lies* Professor Umbridge's voice echoed. Harry glanced down to his right hand where 'I must not tell lies' was engraved.  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
"NO, HE IS ALIVE, HE WILL COME"  
  
*You must not tell lies, Harry*  
  
"I'm. Not. He. Is. Alive."  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
"No, he will come"  
  
*You must not tell lies, Harry*  
  
"You're the one lying"  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
Harry's scar began to burn  
  
*You must not tell lies, Harry*  
  
"No," Harry tried to yell, but it came out as a whimper.  
  
*Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead. Sirius is dead.*  
  
Everything went black. 


	2. When I'm Gone

There's another world inside of me that you may never see  
  
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide  
  
Well somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find  
  
Well maybe it's too far away  
  
Or maybe I'm just blind  
  
Maybe I'm just blind  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone  
  
Everything I am  
  
And everything in me  
  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be  
  
I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
I'd give up everything  
  
If only for your good  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
You won't always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone  
  
Love me when I'm gone  
  
When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin  
  
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends  
  
Roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone  
  
And part of me is fighting this  
  
But part of me is gone  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone  
  
Everything I am  
  
And everything in me  
  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be  
  
I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
I'd give up everything  
  
If only for your good  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
You won't always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone  
  
Love me when I'm gone  
  
Maybe I'm just blind  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
And love me when I'm gone  
  
Everything I am  
  
And everything in me  
  
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be  
  
I'll never let you down  
  
Even if I could  
  
I'd give up everything  
  
If only for your good  
  
So hold me when I'm here  
  
Right me when I'm wrong  
  
Hold me when I'm scared  
  
You won't always be there  
  
So love me when I'm gone  
  
Love me when I'm gone,  
  
Love me when I'm gone,  
  
When I'm gone  
  
When I'm gone  
  
When I'm gone  
  
~When I'm Gone---3 Doors Down~ 


	3. Remus

AN: Thanks Elvish Fairy, for being my one and only review! OK, here is the next segment, Remus. Please read and review.  
  
DISCLAMER: I forgot this last time but I don't own any characters. They belong to JKRowling.  
  
~*~FlAsHbAcK~*~  
  
"Pleeeease Remus?"  
  
"No, we can't, Sirius"  
  
"Why not, I mean how many times has James done it to us? It's payback time!"  
  
"Yea, but this is different, he really likes Lily. This isn't just another date, that would be ok, but this is Lily, he has liked her forever!"  
  
"Exactly, this would be the perfect opportunity."  
  
"No"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"No"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"No"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"N-- Ok, enough of that, we can't plus don't you have detention now?"  
  
"Who cares, I'll just skip detention"  
  
"Sirius, its Professor Aticans, you know how he loves to take points from Gryffindor."  
  
"Yea, I know but this is a once in a life time chance. Pleeese?"  
  
"Fine, let's go"  
  
"I knew you had it in you Remus"  
  
~*~EnD fLaShBaCk~*~  
  
Remus sat up in bed. Sweat glistening on his brow.  
  
"Why Padfoot, why were you so foolish?" He asked, pausing as if expecting an answer. "You aren't -weren't invincible."  
  
He stood up and walked to the dresser, opened the top drawer and pulled out a picture. Tracing his finger along the edge, he sat on the couch by the fire.  
  
For how long, who knows, Remus sat looking at the picture. A picture from James and Lily's wedding. Sirius had given it to him. It was the Maurderers and Lily. First was a body with a scratched out head. Peter. Then Lily, still in her wedding dress; her red hair cascading down her back. Her arm around James. His hair, messy as ever; his brown eyes, shining with happiness. Then Sirius, with his black hair falling in his eyes. A wide smile across his face. Then, was Remus himself. With purple hair, thanks to Sirius.  
  
"The Maurderers" he whispered.  
  
That's when Remus swore to himself. He would get revenge for James, and Lily, and Sirius.  
  
As he stood up to put the picture away, the flames turned green, and Arthur's face appeared.  
  
"Remus, can you come to a meeting?"  
  
"Yes, yes I can."  
  
Arthur's face disappeared from the fire. The only sound heard was the 'pop' of Remus apperating. 


	4. Dumbledore

AN: Finally! Sorry this took a long time, I got the worst writers block and then my friend came to spend the night, which turned into 2 nights and then I went to her house, then more writers block! Yea, crazy week. But please read and review.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Still don't own them. If I did, Sirius would be alive.  
  
_____________________  
  
Another fighter down. Another member of the order. The first in the second war. A man who was the ultimate fighter for justice, for he himself was treated unjustly. Had 12 years worth of punishment he didn't deserve. And now, he has died.  
  
Dumbledore sighed and absently stroked Fawkes.  
  
"If only I had told Harry. If he had been warned." He said to Minerva McGonagall, who was sitting across from him. "Sirius could still be alive and the prophecy wouldn't be lost, Harry and the others wouldn't have chosen to put themselves in trouble. If only Harry knew." He shook his head, his long hair falling off his shoulders.  
  
"Albus, your doing exactly what you are always telling Harry *not* to do. Blaming yourself." She said fiercely. "At least now the ministry is believing that You-Know-Who-"  
  
"Voldemort Minerva, there is no reason to fear a name."  
  
"Ok, at least the ministry believes about V-Vol-Voldemort. That he is in fact back and posing a threat to both the wizarding and muggle world."  
  
"Yes, yes. But at such a high price. The prophecy lost forever, Sirius Black, lost to the Dark Veil. And the children, they shouldn't have been there, shouldn't have seen that. They are growing up much too fast. Another fighter for good down."  
  
"Yes Albus, but as the muggle author, Jan Hittle, once said 'People, some good, some bad, but in the long run we come out even.'".  
  
"Well if muggle quotes are where we are going, 'Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'' I was always quite fond of that one. Lemon Drop?" He offered the bowl. "No thanks. It will all be ok in the end. There will be many deaths but, evil will be conquered."  
  
The flames in the fire turned to green. Tonk's head appeared.  
  
"Minerva, Albus. Meeting for the Order. Find Snape and inform him please."  
  
"OK, right behind you Tonks" replied McGonagall.  
  
As Dumbledore stepped into the fire, McGonagall headed down the stairs.  
  
__________________________  
  
"People, some good, some bad, but in the long run we come out even." - Jan Hittle  
  
"Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh" - Terry Pratchett  
  
This is a really good story called The Manor and everyone should go read and review it. Its almost 100,000 words long and has only like 60 reviews! h t t p : / / w w w . f a n f i c t i o n . n e t / r e a d . p h p ? s t o r y i d = 1 3 2 5 8 0 6  
  
InvisibleInk -- Thanx for reviewing! I'm really happy that you said my fic was original, because if your reading the same plots over and over again they get annoying. I hadn't even planned the Umbridge link, it just kind of came to me.  
  
Akamu - Thanks for the review! I know, your right, poor Harry and Remus! But I was laughing at the brain part too! Well partly because the pages got stuck and I missed this whole part! So I'm reading and all of the sudden "Ron's getting attacked by a brain!!!" lol. So yea, I was laughing.  
  
Review! 


	5. Harry, Again

The light was a hazy light. The kind that is either at dusk or dawn. Harry's eyes slowly began to flutter open. He was still in the corner of the room, but had more, sprawled out when he had drifted into unconsciousness. The clothes far too large for his small frame were stuck to him by sweat. Hedwig was sitting in her cage with concern in her golden eyes.  
  
"It's all right girl," he said as he stood up. "It's all alright."  
  
The glowing numbers on his alarm clock said it was 8:14 pm on July 30. The last time he had looked at it, it was 3:28 am of the same day. He rolled his eyes at the thought that the Dursley's hadn't even shown any concern. 'You would think they would at least miss yelling at me to cook breakfast and do a list of chores' he thought to himself.  
  
He went over to the loose floorboard and got out a quill and some parchment to write a letter to Ron considering that the last letter was about 4 days ago.  
  
'Ron How are things there? I'm fine, and no scar hurting or really bad dreams. Nothing much is happening. Keep me informed on any information you come across. I've got to go now, write back.  
  
Harry'  
  
The letter was basically just lies; he had been having dreams. His scar was constantly hurting, but Dumbledore knew that and he didn't want to worry his friends. Harry had also been thinking about the prophecy, and the basic kill or be killed point of it. And he obviously wasn't fine, what with the passing out and everything. But he just didn't care anymore. He was just numb to everything. He was trying to practice occlumency, but the attempts were futile, he would just dream about Sirius or he would get the normal Voldemort dreams, which were much worse now that Voldemort knew when he was able to see. The Dursley's weren't really doing anything, just making him cook breakfast and dinner. Other than that he was left alone. Moody had really freaked them out.  
  
When he was unconscious, he kept having dreams about Sirius. About living with him, and playing Quidditch with him. Sirius's face when Harry said he wanted to live with him. All that. And Harry slowly started to realize that was all they were memories and dreams. That Sirius was truly gone, gone forever. He needed closure, he needed to say goodbye...  
  
Sirius, You were one of the last links I had to my parents, to my past. Just you and Remus. How could you do that? How could you leave me here. You don't know how horrible it is! Did you know the prophecy? The one where I have to kill Voldemort, how it's written in time? How I have no choice, kill or be killed? Do you know how I needed you? How I still do? Why did you have to play the hero? Why did you have to leave? I was so mad, I am so mad, I refused to believe it. To believe that you are dead. But you are. And I don't know why, but I can't be sad. I'm just mad. That's not right. Why don't I feel sad? You know who I thought to ask? I thought of you, but you weren't there. And now I cant feel upset about you being gone, I'm just angry. And that's bad. It makes me feel bad. Horrible. I just want to go and run into the vail. So I can be with you. So I won't have to feel the pressure. I don't want it any more. You know Neville, Neville Longbottom could have been me, been the-boy-who-lived. Be the boy-who-must-kill- Voldemort. And I hate him for not being that. Because it too horrible. I hate it. I could have just been Harry Potter. And you would have never been sent to Azkaban and my parents would be alive, not dead. You know, that used to be my biggest wish after wanting my parents alive, to have you be free. Now you know what took that spot? Wishing Neville was me. Wishing I was free of this burden. Sometimes I just want to go and walk right in there and just kill Voldemort and leave. Just get it over with. But I'm still mad. Mad at you. I want to be sad. And it's all your fault. It's all I feel. MAD! And HATE! Nothing more, nothing less. But this is something I must do. Say... Good Bye.  
  
Bye Sirius, my godfather. I'll see you again one day. So I guess, by for now.  
  
Harry'  
  
Harry took the letter and folded it and wrote 'Sirius' on it.  
  
"Hedwig," he called, "Take this to Sirius." The snowy owl looked at him strangely before flying out the window with the letter.  
  
Hours later, a piece of yellow parchment flew through the vail. And the snowy owl flew off into the night.  
  
_____________________  
  
Yup, that's all. I was going to go on longer, but I just was uninspired and chose to just end it now.  
  
Thanks to all you guys who reviewed:  
  
Elvish Fairy  
  
InvisibleInk  
  
Akamu  
  
Faxton  
  
Queen Amelie  
  
PhoenixPadfoot89  
  
.  
  
You guys are great. 


End file.
